Anger is not primarily about revenge The First motive of anger is a desire to show that one is in control because the threat or the situation causes a feeling of losing control so the first motive is around improving one’s image and not necessarily to get even or cause harm . Revenge is a secondary motive and it also serves as means to vent all accumulated frustrations.
– Anger is nether good or bad If You can manage, control and channel your anger positively , it can have an extremely positive impact on your life , it can improve your communication, enhance your self esteem and keep you energized. Ghandi, Budha , Nelson Mandella were all angry men but they turned that anger and channelled it for the good of others and in making the world better.
– The older you get, the calmer you get It is a misconception that the older people get, the angrier they are , it’s actually the exact opposite, as people age, they report fewer negative emotions and greater emotional control
-Anger can kill you It is a fact that anger causes heart attacks and can cause disabling or possible fatal injuries.
– Everybody gets angry Luckily most people do not show their anger, it is widely believed that 15% of people display their anger publicly while 85% keep their anger inside , you know those who say ” No , Im fine there’s nothing to be angry about” or ” I’m ok , no problem ” or ” I don’t really want to talk about it ”
Anger is a complex emotion. Those who appear to not have a problem with anger can actually be the ones who are in the most need of help as mentioned above.
You have a problem with anger if :
– You hurt yourself or others physically - If you feel too afraid to openly express your anger - If you never get angry - You keep dwelling on situations that caused you anger and find it hard to forget it and get over it - You think of cunning ways of getting even with those who cause you anger rather than directly expressing your anger - If you get angry a lot
– Whenever you get angry you’re completely out of control - You become critical , defensive and blaming others often and it starts to affect you and people around you - You just get angry suddenly and not sure what triggered it - You sometimes take your anger out on innocent people
What to do about it ?
– Focus on the true source of your anger. ask yourself what specifically about this situation made you feel this way ?
– Concentrate on the result or outcome you wish to achieve, look for other options or other alternative ways that can achieve your desired outcome. There is usually more than one way for us to get what we want, but anger causes us to see and only fixate on one .
– Learn more about assertiveness and communicating assertively and how to Channel your anger and turn it to positive energy. Letting yourself go and getting angry may offer a temporary venting to any frustrations you have, but anger can seriously damage your life and the life of those around you .
– Learn to calm down or take a time-out. It is impossible to think clearly when your emotions are high. By calming down, stepping back, or taking a time-out, you can gain more clarity about the situation and better determine what role you played in the interaction.
– Learn that you cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself
– Learn from your anger. Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation. For example, “What is the real issue here?” or “What role did I play in this?” or “What can I do differently next time?”
– Learn to self-observe and to change your part in negative relationship patterns.
– Learn to identify your particular anger triggers.
Channeling your anger
One of the most successful ways to manager anger is to channel or redirect it. it’s not only that channeling your anger still gives you a way to vent and let out the anger but it also directs that anger into positive energy and react in a logical controlled manner that transforms the situation to your advantage.
Assertiveness and reflectiveness are healthy anger styles that represent the optimum ways to cope with anger.
When we are assertive, we let people know when we do not like something in a very direct way. We do not blame; we do not whine; we simply state our grievance in a calm yet forceful manner. When we are reflective, we allow ourselves to feel our emotions but then thoughtfully analyze the situation to better learn from it. We don’t rationalize or make excuses for the other person’s behavior and we don’t blame ourselves, but we look at the situation in a fair, open-minded way in order to see both sides of the situation more clearly. If there is something we need to communicate to the other person, we are in a much more calm frame of mind to do so.
When we are reflective, we allow ourselves to feel our initial anger at a situation or person but refrain from acting out our anger. We give ourselves time to calm down (however long that takes), then we think about why the situation occurred, what we can learn from it, and what steps we wish to take to prevent it from occurring again. This may or may not involve communicating our feelings and needs to others in an assertive way.
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